2010年8月25日 星期三

你迷惑的事與CD/TS無關,與心態有關(轉載)

作者:Veryinn

地址:http://veryinn.blog124.fc2.com/blog-entry-87.html

臺灣族群的分析

經過不斷在這個領域瞭解與溝通後,發現臺灣所謂的Crossdress,其實如下:百分之七十都是戀物癖(Fetish) (注1),百分之二十為角色扮演 (Cosplay),剩下百分之十有許多是追求女性美感與外貌為主的族群。這百分之十有少數會發展出性別認同障礙(Gender Identity Disorder),有成為變性人(Transexual)的可能。戀物這個族群本身也很複雜,因為這會牽扯到SM族群的一小部分。

什麼是女性化

首先我想破除的,就是變裝與女性化的差異。變裝、易裝、男扮女裝都算是Crossdress(CD),不過就是一個簡單的行為,一個非常單純的表像:男扮女裝或是女扮男裝。變裝這個行為的動機有千百種,電視臺的搞笑藝人會變裝、高中生玩Cosplay也會變裝,所以把人歸類為CD,其實對分析這個人的心理狀態沒有什麼説明。而我所指的女性化(feminization),是指一種過程,不管是故意還是無心的,做身心的轉換。這件事,其實每個有女兒的父母都會做。因為小嬰兒生下來,連「自我」意識都不清楚。他的自我中心、對性別的認知等等,還不就是他父母與他周遭之人所教育出來的?舉例,在公車或是捷運上,爸媽帶著一位穿著可愛洋裝的小妹妹。當這位小妹妹不安分的探頭探手,站在坐位上,露出可愛小褲褲時,馬上被媽媽制止。上述行為是否曾看過呢?這就是父母在灌輸女性該有的行為規範。也就是說,女性所該有的儀態,多半在這個時期就開始慢慢建立的。像坐姿腳開開膝蓋沒靠攏,或是怎麼拿或背女性手提包,這些也都是要花時間教育與訓練的。

所以,我們到底拿什麼價值觀去認定一個人的性別?除了外表之外,所謂的氣質,也就是行為舉止,是絕對不能少的。簡單說,很多臺灣女性的審美觀是建立在可愛上面。所以美的背包、美的裝扮、美的用詞等等,常常是可愛的。如果你身穿女裝,但如果此人的用詞與腔調還是如男性般直爽,甚至帶著一點三字經或嚼食檳榔,這樣就大打了折扣。再者,臺灣社會對女性的基本禮儀與體態,多半也有些期望。你覺得一個真的女性(生理女性),卻有男人婆或黑道流氓般的脾氣與舉動,人緣會好嗎?而女性的耳飾、發飾與女性穿著的品味,也是從小到大慢慢建立而成。網襪、短裙、高跟鞋,那是很多男性投射在女性身上的刻板印象,因為那是一種性感女性的象徵。不是說女性不喜歡穿,而是女性在日常生活中,如果能隨意選擇,那第一夫人酷酷嫂常穿的牛仔褲與臺灣銷售量最好的平底女鞋,很有可能是臺灣女性的首選。所謂的女性化不等於性感,因為性感只是女性心態與行為的其中一部份。而怎麼穿、怎麼搭才最適合你自己先天的體型,該選什麼色系,怎麼配色才不會醜,看起來又有層次,這都是透過時間慢慢培養的審美觀。舉例,一個剛加入變裝沒多久之姊妹的特徵,就是把顏色奇怪,像聖誕樹或檳榔西施般的服裝穿在身上。你可以平心而論問你自己:你是想要女性化,當個普通女性,還是你是想穿成電子花車或秀場的反串藝人?當然其它方面,如女性因為身體構造的不同,走路的姿態也不同。還有上廁所、個人衛生、與保養的習慣等等,都會受價值觀與教育而與男性有所不同。


面對外貌協會

另外,很多外貌協會人士會在外貌這個問題上打轉,製造迷思。先退一百步想,假設今天你遇到一位醜女、恐龍妹。我相信不管這位女性再怎麼其貌不揚,他仍然會被當成一位女性。女性從小打扮到大,你現在才要開始追,你不覺得難才奇怪。也就是說,就算撇開美醜不談,最低標準也至少要像個女性。什麼意思?如果你的身材很高壯,那就必須要改變飲食,至少要有「合理」的女性身材。之後就是那句話:沒有醜女人,只有懶女人。請別找一堆藉口,如:沒錢、沒時間、怕麻煩等等。沒錢有沒錢的做法。沒時間就表示你需要更有效率的把時間擠出來。怕麻煩那何必踏進這塊領域,直接放棄算了。我不是希望你當個偏執狂,而是外貌的整理本來就是女性化的一部份。每個人的先天條件本來就不同,只要你做出相當的付出,讓它成為習慣,尊重自己,自然就能得到人們的尊重。正妹也曾當過化妝新手不是嗎?就算你現在的程度不夠,只要你保持樂此不疲、虛心求教的態度,相信很多人之後會肯定你。

女性化的方法

總之,你必須先做心態上的轉換。審美觀、想法等都必需要符合臺灣這個社會對女性的期望。一旦達成,那你的談吐、儀容、穿著、坐姿等等外在的行為,也會開始轉換。慢慢的,你會對可愛外型的動物、文具、或是用詞也會發出讚美。也許以男性的身體表現出這種行為,會被旁觀者譏笑為娘娘腔。此時問題又來了,當女性受到冷嘲熱諷或虧待時,他的心情、語氣、用詞該是如何?如果你的反應是用男性的思維,所產生的結果,無法有社會所期待的響應。這是否又是一個心態轉換失敗的例子?部份女性 愛哭又有點歇斯底里的反應,雖然大家都不鼓勵,但那是否也是構成女人心理要素的一部份?如果硬要舉例,可以參考一下蔡康永於電視節目上的談吐與反應,雖然他並不屬於本文討論的族群。所以,如果連這些基本的女性化心理與行為都做不到,我不懂為何會有人就開始考慮荷爾蒙、HRT,或是用更激烈的方式,想要改變自己的外在,甚至去懷疑自己的性向。

至於如何從心態上轉換,一般最有效的方式就是閱讀女性雜誌。如果能多閱讀一些彩妝的雜誌,如臺灣的Beauty美人志或日本的Pinky等都不錯。而Seventeen或Cosmopolitan「柯夢波丹」雜誌,也是很好的選擇,因為這些雜誌不可能只寫有關彩妝的文章,你該借著這些雜誌裡的文章,瞭解女性的心態與角度。再不然,多關心你周圍的女性,如姊妹或女性朋友。觀察他們如何化妝,或聽他們閒聊等等,也是一種當做參考的方式。當然,網路或市面上有人將那本日文書「好想做個女孩子」(Wanna be a pretty girl)翻譯成中文,也是個選擇。但即然提到這本書,就不得不提到所謂的Anime Comic Game (ACG)文化。偽娘這個詞,就是近幾年日本ACG文化產生出來的。如果你注意觀察,會使用這個詞的族群多半都是年輕一代很迷ACG也喜歡Cosplay的學生族群。再貼切的形容一點,這些人變裝成女僕或蘿莉之目的,就是去參展與拍照。這與日常生活就已經女性化個案是不同的。偶爾穿著女裝,或是喜歡穿著女裝做某件事,不管那件事與性有沒有關係,那都只是外在的行為模式,只是第一步而已。如何從那第一步走下去,才是本文的重點。而我所翻譯的女性化手冊,只是用來測試你到底走了「多少」步而已。而當你花較多的時間與力氣在彩妝與髮型,而不再關心絲襪或短裙時,也算是個你己經走了好幾步的明顯特徵。因為這不但表示你有極大的決心想要「追上」你對化妝與外貌知識上的不足。這也是你想跳脫那些高跟鞋、美腿等戀物癖較會關心之話題的表現。而如果你走的夠遠,相信你的房間,也會開始有粉紅色系的床單、梳粧檯、與可愛娃娃等等的出現。


也就是說,當你在心態上真的女性化時,你才有「資格」去考慮你性向的問題。你若連心態的轉換都做不到,不但會受到你周圍人士的反對,我也會勸你就承認你是個性向正常的戀物癖。至於那些還沒到女性化的程度,就硬要在性向上做文章的族群,根本就是本末倒置,還沒學會走路就想跑步。就算你去榮總、台大做心理評估,我猜測醫生給你的解釋也差不多。


支撐的重要


今天就算你心態上成功的女性化,你的行為、外型、聲音也與一般女孩子無異,你以為日後就沒問題了嗎?我現在舉兩件個案(注2),就是要表示這個領域是多麼困難的一件事。兩位都是外型佼好,分別以A與B做表示。A的外型比較冷豔而聲音較像男性,B的外型比較可愛而聲音較像女性,兩位元在外型完全無法分辨,也早就以女裝過日子。有趣的是,兩人都表示他們的性向都正常,願意交女朋友(生理女性)。雖然如此,這兩人的心態卻是完全不同的。A的談吐、心態上充滿了自信。他不但不因為聲音的短缺而顯得萎縮彆扭,反而在感情或職場上都很成熟。感覺上,A的應對進退都拿捏的很好,充分表現出他瞭解他自己要什麼,該做什麼。B雖然能完全進入女性的生活。但是他卻不斷的給他自己心靈上的煎熬。B不斷的強調他女裝的行為是他無法自拔的詛咒,展現出他對許多事情的懊悔。鑽牛角間或控制欲也許是對他最適當的形容詞。且他表現出不曉得毎日為何而活的態度,很令人擔憂。也許他對女裝近乎完美的研究與要求,就是他在表現他淺意識裡強烈控制欲的一種方式。相信A與B很有可能都遇過被搭訕、被酸言酸語、被排擠等事情。但是如果B的朋友已經幼稚到把暗戀B或是B的私事等等貼在網路,甚至Yahoo知識上,這些都是對當事人很糟糕的行為。當然,如果有所謂的跟蹤狂,挖出你的個人資料後,整天監視你或寫些奇怪的東西給你,這就更令人抓狂。所以,A與B最大的不同在那裡?那就是A身旁有個認同他的人,得到了關懷。你去看臺灣肯上電視站出來的CD/TS,身邊多半有個願意支持他的人,最好是親人,不管有沒有與他同住。從這兩個範例就可知道,以臺灣這個社會來說,如果你身邊沒有這個「支撐」的角色,而且知道的都反對,基本上這條路除了你會覺得很痛苦,你也走不遠。題外話,我誠心誠意的希望B已經離開臺灣。良禽擇木而棲,是臺灣這塊朽木浪費了這位人才。

總結

雖然有媒體誇大之嫌,我已經貼出了不少願意受訪的姊妹,他們各自走到不同程度的人生經驗。這裡面感覺有比較幸福快樂的,真是少數中的少數。其實會想要建立部落格(博客),也就是希望能提供這個族群最完整、最有意義的資訊平臺。除了大家已分享的經驗,也提供從學術、醫療等其它角度探討的文章。那些只為了上電視節目、舞臺劇而變裝,或是只有在無名貼些照片而不寫文章的族群,並不屬於我想瞭解的範圍。如果你是位所謂的第三性TS公關看到這篇文章,也許這篇文章對你來說太晚了。總之,請大家在做任何決定前,一定要與心理醫生或精神科醫師討論過。Good luck。

注1:儘管佛洛德的理論聽起來很奇怪,並且也不是基於實驗證據的,但是他發現了人類性行為的一個重要方面:性興奮和條件作用的關係。人類的性行為也被假定可以受到類似的條件訓練,這或許可以解釋戀物現象。這符合戀物產生於幼年期的印刻作用的理論。另外一個同樣基於印刻作用的理論認為,男性少年頻繁自慰(手淫),並由此建立起一種模式,在自慰時經常出現的物體,將可能在日後產生性喚起的作用。該少年由此而將此物體與性高潮聯繫起來。常見的戀物包括:戀鞋、戀襪、戀靴、戀制服、戀內褲、戀褲、戀毛髮、戀理髮、戀手套、戀假髮、戀胸罩、戀尿布或迷戀由某些特別材料(如橡膠、裘皮、氨綸、皮革、乳膠、尼龍)製作的服裝。變裝、扮裝、易裝,即穿著異性服飾,也是一種常見的戀物形式。一些人迷戀某種服裝面料,可能是因為這些面料形同「第二皮膚」,成為了穿著者皮膚的戀物替代品。最常見的情形是戀氨綸、戀橡膠、戀乳膠,這些面料都是彈性而有光澤的,誇張了人體皮膚的某些特徵。戀物物件也可以是人體的某些部位,比如發、體毛、腿、腳、鼻子、胸部、生殖器官或者某種特殊的體形。這大概可以解釋中國歷史上的纏足、十九世紀西方束腰的流行,以及當今美國的隆胸等。戀物相關的性喚起,在大部分人身上都是普遍存在的。一般認為,只有當戀物情結對戀物者的性或社會活動造成困擾時才被視為一個問題。有時「戀物」一詞也被專用於指非經由戀物相關的性喚起,而不能達至性興奮的情況,此時亦可稱作戀物症。

注2:範例是誰並不重要,對號入坐或問我沒有意義,我也不便回應。

2010年8月24日 星期二

Caramel's TGirls Interview With Ashley George

 

Caramel's Interview With Ashley George

When I reviewed Ashley's website back in February, I knew I wanted to interview her someday and when we recently bumped into each other at Twitter, I asked and she agreed. I'd had a feeling she'd be sweet and down-to-earth since her videos and photos are oozing with personality. After reading this interview, I'm sure you'll get the same sense about her that I did.

Caramel: Hi, Ashley. Thank you for doing this interview with me. So you debuted at Shemale-Club and the SMC producers launched your fantastic website Ashley-George. There are only a few companies in my opinion that delivers top shelf content and SMC is one of them. How did you feel the moment you knew your website would be launched by one of the best outfits out there?

Ashley: Well first of all I was very excited and honored! When I started doing movies I didn't really know where my career would go or how far I would even want to go with it. I didn't have many expectations you could say, but when I was offered the site I didn't hesitate at all! I was VERY pleased my site would be run by the same company that runs the websites of the top talent in our niche, and very flattered that people in high places believed in me.


Caramel:  I'd like to get back to your website after a few personal questions. First of all, did you feel like you should have been born a girl from a very young age and when did you first begin dressing as a girl?

Ashley: Yes I did from my earliest memories I can remember asking my mom if I was male or female and of course she would respond "Well you're a boy of course!" I never really accepted that LOL! I can remember one time my sister and I dressed up in these bright pink feather boas with clip on earrings and my favorite little green and red plastic high heels .. and we would stand on the front porch of my childhood home and "wait for our boyfriends to come home from work." I was never really the outdoors type when I was young, I much preferred to stay indoors and play house or Barbies with my sister. I also LOVED Matchbox cars and had a huge collection of those, I guess I must've really confused my parents huh? My obsession with cars continues to this day. I'm a nerd, judge me. = )

Caramel: When it comes to hormones, do you lean toward doing it yourself or only professional medical care and when did you begin HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)?

Ashley: I began HRT at the age of 14 after my doctor denied writing me a prescription or referring me to a specialist. I cried and cried and cried to my parents to help me, and when I found an online pharmacy that sold Premarin tablets I asked my Dad to get them for me and he did … I think that's one of the most amazing things he did for me, he probably saved my life! So I began those and developed small breasts and started going full time as a female. I took those until I was 17 and that's when I began on a full hormone treatment of Delestrogen Injections, Spironolactone and Progesterone which I continue to this day.

Caramel: That's wonderful! Your family and friends didn't have problems with your transition?

Ashley: OH absolutely not! I could not have asked for a more supportive and loving family, my parents supported and helped me in any way they could from day one. Although it took them a while to adjust to using the right name and pronouns, they and the rest of my family eventually came around. I also have a younger sister who is 17 and she is my BEST FRIEND! We've shared clothes and makeup and secrets for the longest time and trust each other with EVERYTHING. I also had the most wonderful group of girlfriends growing up who were probably my biggest support system, the six of us were the best of friends all through high school and made some crazy memories together too, first kisses, getting caught shoplifting, endless card and monopoly games, getting drunk and CRAZY, school dances and everything! I will always cherish my memories with my girls, they got me through a lot!


Caramel: Amazing. I love it. No problems with your career in adult entertainment either?

Ashley: No not at all, I don't think it was their first choice of career for me but they do understand.

Caramel:  I've interviewed Jasmine Jewels and she's done some magnificent photo sets and videos for your site. How did the two of you meet?

Ashley: She sure has! I met Jasmine in NYC when I first shot for Shemale-Club. She was staying in Midtown and I drove down from Upstate for the shoot. We met up and had an instant connection. She is one of the most intelligent and traveled individuals I've had the pleasure of knowing. Anyways, we talked about what we wanted to accomplish and got down to it doing a shoot on a NYC bus and in Central Park. Those sets are so beautiful still to this day some of my favorites. We knocked out a few more picture sets and videos and called it a night. I spent the night with her and we did some more work the next day. We had an absolute BLAST and got so much done, we really do work very well together! Her work is just outstanding and she is a natural with the camera.

Caramel: Morgan Bailey also has a great website also presented by SMC. I'm curious about what goes on behind the scenes at that company. How did you meet Morgan?

Ashley: I met Morgan through Jasmine who is Morgan's photographer as well. Morgan travels between Chicago and LA all the time so our paths cross at least once a month. She is such a fun girl and one of my good friends too.

Caramel: Was Proxy Paige the first GG (Genetic Girl) you've worked with professionally?

Ashley: Yes so far! I hope to change that in the near future however *~WINK*~

Caramel: I understand you're enrolling in college and so proud of you with that decision. What will you be majoring in?

Ashley: Psychology! Exciting right? I'm SUCH a nerd and a huge bookworm … I LOVE to read. MY all time favorite author is Sophie Kinsella. Anyone who wants to understand my personality better should just pick up one of her books 'cause ALL her characters seem to be me in another form haha!

Caramel: Do you think that once you've graduated you might leave the adult entertainment industry or will you use your education as insurance for your much later future?

Ashley: I'm not sure yet! I'm still having fun and making money, but the minute I'm not doing either of those is the moment I quit! I really don't like to make extensive plans for the future. As John Steinbeck said, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

Caramel: Yeah and I don't know who said this but if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. But I like the Steinbeck quote better and love that you're into great literature.

Are you considering moving to the porn capitol of the world, Los Angeles?

Ashley: Absolutely not! I just began renting my own beautiful apartment in Chicago and I am planning on living here at least for the next few years … Eventually I want to travel the world and maybe live overseas for a while. I really would love to see Australia and England! I also hear Toronto is beautiful.



Caramel: Back to your website. Getting naughty in Central Park NYC ranks as one of the hottest and naughtiest things I've ever done. Did you have any problems with passersby during your shoot there?

Ashley: Haha not really! A few people made remarks but they were all very cool. When people see a model and photographer they really just see it as art and not someone stripping in public LOL. At least that's what I think!

Caramel: Every porn star is an exhibitionist basically, but you seem to really like working outdoors. I'll let the photo galleries speak for themselves and readers will see what I'm talking about. Is outdoor and public exhibitionism something you know instinctively that works well for your members, or do you also have an outdoor and public sex fetish?

Ashley: I don't really have either! I just love to work outdoors, and so does Jasmine! It's nice to get out of the studio, into the warm sun and shoot some beautiful pictures! You don't really have to worry about gathering props and all that other stuff, people tend to get sick of seeing the same four walls. It's so funny you picked up on how we love to work outdoors!

Caramel: I couldn't help but notice since the outdoor sets are beautifully shot of course, but innovative and original. You look amazing in natural light. Where was that hot outdoor set with the handsome black guy C.J. shot? I've heard you got some nasty comments and emails about working with a black guy too. Would this stop you from doing interracial work in the future?

Ashley: It was shot on some railroad tracks behind a rock crushing facility in Chicago. And yes I did receive a few nasty comments and messages about that scene, but all I have to say to that is FUCK 'EM! If you don't like, don't watch. But I'm not gonna let a few d-bags stop me from deepthroating some big juicy black cock!


Caramel: I'm not going to let a few d-bags stop me from deepthroating some white ones or any other color. LOL  As you can probably tell, I love that answer, Ashley.

There's a gg named Niji who looks like a postergirl for SuicideGirls you've done a hot set with. How did you meet her?

Ashley: She actually did do a few sets for SuicideGirls! I met her through Jasmine and I convinced her to do a cute picture set with me for my site! Isn't she adorable??


Caramel: Yep, and I love her style.

You've done some hot work in Philly. What brought you to the City of Brotherly Love?

Ashley: I traveled to Philly with Jasmine to shoot for my site and help her shoot a few girls there as well. It is such a beautiful city with so much to do and AMAZING food. I got naked right in front of a whole bunch of people on the street haha!!


Caramel: Dayum. I'm sure you were more popular than a Philly cheese steak.

Some TS stars just don't know how to please a wide variety of their fans but you cover all the bases from girl-next-door, to geisha girl, to schoolgirl, to a foot fetishist's dream girl, etc. What themes have you been considering for future shoots and videos?

Ashley: Hmm well that's a very interesting question .. I'll say that my image will be changing in the next few months as I am planning on having my boobs done. I also plan on having some facial work done. I've gotten pretty bored with my image as of late and am looking forward to changing it. I've had the same hair color for like a year which is SO unlike me … I've been every color from blonde to black and red yet I haven't changed it at all in a whole year. I guess what I'm saying is I'll be going for a more grown up look, I'll be turning 20 in February and I just think that means it's time for a big BIG change in how I look! But to all my fans who like my current image, don't worry, I'll be doing a ton of shoots before my look changes!


Caramel: You know what's best for you, Ashley. But I think you look perfect the way you are now and I'm not one to resist change.

As a member of your site, it's pretty obvious that you like guy's a lot like the "pizza guy" Gabriel in L.A. and of course C.J. but it's also clear that you have no problem working with other TS's and GGs. Do you have any particular gender preference when it comes to relationships and sex?

Ashley: I am pretty much straight and into only boys but I do have a curious side. I certainly have no problem working with GG's and other TS's professionally, it's a lot of fun!! Although I've never had a real relationship, I pretty much think I would only want to date men…


Caramel: What drives you the most crazy about guys? What are your pet peeves?

Ashley: SOOOOO many things. Starting with the way they TEXT, like I do not like to receive one word texts, ANNOYING! And what else … a lot of men are pretty cheap! That's not a turn on .. and the guys that like the fuck and chuck, NOTTT cool! I just wish guys could understand girls more and give us the attention we deserve! = )

Caramel: Do you think that a lot of hot guys might not pursue you anymore because they think now that you're a major web presence or might be too high maintainance.

Ashley: Hmm I have no idea, I prefer not to hang around guys who know about my website. They tend treat me more like an object than a person and can't see beyond my porn career, and they always compare me to other girls and ask questions about them … not a turn on at all!

Caramel: Oh my God, I'm so glad I asked that question. Not that it was brilliant but that answer tells me a lot. It must be so much different for you when guys meet the real Ashley first.

How did you get to meet the fabulous Mimi Plastique? I love that girl!

Ashley: I met Mimi through Jasmine as she was shooting with her at the same time. Mimi is my best friend and neighbor, we have SO much fun together and soo much in common! She is a blast to be around and absolutely hilarious. She just recently opened her own website @ www.ladyplastique.com so you should all go check it out and support her!

I love Mimi's new website and gearing up for a follow-up interview with her.

Ashley, another thing I like about your website site is that the movies are nice and long. Would you consider performing in full-length feature films for other companies too like Devil's Film?

Ashley: I would loooooooove to do some films for Devils! I also really want to work with Joey Silvera too!

Caramel: I've been a Joey Silvera fan since he was a porn star himself. His work with transsexuals in film is exquisite and unbeatable. I hope someone from Devil's Film hears about this. *wink*

One last question. What advice do you have for other young transsexuals who want to break into the adult entertainment industry?

Ashley: My advice to other girls would be to do your research, make sure your not working with someone who is unprofessional. Think out why you want to do it and weigh the pro's and cons! I don't think any girl should have to think porn is the only way to make money as a TS, so don't back yourself into a corner. Have fun with it and be safe!

Ashley's Links:

The Official Ashley George Website

Twitter

MySpace

Yahoo: Cutieapol312@yahoo.com

3 Responses to "Caramel's Interview With Ashley George"

  1. Great Ashley, pretty and good girl.

  2. Ashley is so beautiful, a very natural babe.
    I love her style.
    She incredible.

  3. Cookie Man Says:

    Very informative & entertaining, Ashley is truly a nice person and not full of fluff.

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